I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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