the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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