The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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