I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
