idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
