My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
