dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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