jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
