the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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