You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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