I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My vagina is officially offended.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
