No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
