Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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