Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
