You work out of a Hotel?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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