Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
