You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
