Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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