I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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