Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I need a beard to bite.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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