fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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