He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
