No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
