So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
