6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
