My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
