As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
