apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
