I am full of burrito and curiosity
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
