your thong is hanging out like whoa
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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