I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
