my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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