Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
