If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
