she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
