I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
