Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
