paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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