He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
