do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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