Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
