last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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