omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
