whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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