office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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