She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
