My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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