I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Nicole vs. Life
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
