Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
