end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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