Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
