Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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