i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
