I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
His nipple licking is glorious
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