she woke up with a sticky ear
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
