i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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