i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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