I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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