I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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