I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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