I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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