I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize