Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
