are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
