would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Fuck appropriateness.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
