She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
