what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
