I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm going to jail i love you
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
