Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Shame - the story of my life.
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