Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
