Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
