I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
