evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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