Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
