Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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