He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
