The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
