Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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