i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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