to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
